DYNAMICS

I am fascinated by the dynamics of human interaction, what motivates us and why, as well as how we communicate with each other verbally and otherwise. So fascinated, that once upon a time I got a Master’s degree in it. I wouldn’t call it straight sociology though; more like a splash of that with a pinch of anthropology and a smattering of psychology thrown in a pot and stirred by my ability to closely follow people from afar. I am a people watcher.

In one of my graduate classes, I was assigned the task of going to a public place to simply observe human behavior for 2 hours and write down observations. I chose the local mall and settled in at the food court with a notebook. I quickly became aware of things I never noticed before. Who was in a rush? Who was upset, happy, grumpy, and how parents treated their children in public. My assignment took place just before texting and smartphones became a thing, but in the years since, I do this observation exercise all over the place. Not in a creepy way of course, but instead to see how society behaves in an airport, on a plane, bus, train or subway vs. how crowds operate at a concert, the beach or an amusement park, vs. when they are with family, friends, or in the workplace. The dynamics are something to behold. Often, I try to ripple the social fabric by making sure that I talk to someone in a crowded elevator, or crack a joke in a work meeting to break some tension or clarify a point that someone has made. I think I do these things just to see what will happen or how people will react when a “social norm” is poked. Those who know me best tell me that they sometimes don’t know if I am kidding around or if I am serious. I win. I want to keep you guessing, because does it matter? Your self-worth should not be measured by a drop of what I think……or anyone else, for that matter.

Not to worry, I’m not going to run naked on the beach, or squawk like a chicken in my next meeting. I’m not a research scientist or have some goal of publishing an academic paper about the behavior of people. It’s more fun to do all of this at my own pleasure, and too much crap has been written about human interaction already. Sorry anthropology majors…

Whenever my wife and I go out, we play a game. If we are in a restaurant, we look around and try to decide who is on a date, who is married, and for how long, or who is having an easy time, or going through something tough. It’s kind of fun to guess what’s going on. I know people sometimes wonder if Vanessa is my nurse, and one time someone thought I was her father (gray haired man, wheelchair user, younger looking blonde). Hilarious.

I also often wonder about the armor that we all wear. Who do we show our true selves to? Our spouse? Family? Good friends? Therapist? No one? We all have people in our lives that we know to be judging us. I often wonder if someone is laughing with me, laughing to make me feel better, lecturing me because I did not meet their standard, is intimidated by me, finds me to be annoying, is inspired by me, is curious about me as a person, is using me to get somewhere else, or is simply living in the moment through conversation. I tell myself again that their version of me is not the only version, nor is it the full one. See above about self-worth. Not a drop of mine depends on how you view me. Sorry, not sorry.

But…

It is an awful lot to navigate with regard to human behavior. As I read what I just wrote, it is exhausting to think about the different roles we play, who we let see what and how it all works together. Add the fact that all of us grow, learn and change throughout life. We set out to change the world, and the world instead changes us. We blame a lot of wind on other people, only to reflect and realize that we opened the window. We look for love, respect, acceptance and success in a sea of humans that has a different definition of each of these qualities. It is impossible to please everyone, although most people try to do it anyway. I wish this was the part of the show where I have some poetic magic beans about how it all weaves together, but I don’t.

We all have the magic beans. Some of us never even plant them, while some of us nurture the beanstalk until it’s strong enough to climb and we find lands we never dreamed of. We obtain higher education, establish and grow a career, make money (if that’s your thing), have a family, gain status (whatever the hell that means) and cruise along for a period of time.

Then there are the seismic shifts: kids grow up and move out, a job changes, a career shifts, there is an illness, people that you love pass away, you age; the world changes you again. You have already climbed your beanstalk and have no more beans to plant. The cards in your hand are the only ones that you can play. Above all, time remains the infinite jest. You become jaded, and your armor grows thicker as time ticks by and life at times rewards you, which also kicking you in the face. It becomes harder to find “your old self.”

You look around and watch other people, interact with other people and wonder how the hell we all got to where we are right now. How is that NOT fascinating? Plant your beans. Take risks, tell people how you really feel. Close the window if you feel too much wind, but for the love of us all, have grace in how you treat others. Pause. You have no idea how your words and actions will contribute or decay the dynamics of someone else’s life.

We are all on the journey and we can and must support each other.

Stay awesome, stay safe, and stay tuned.