“Except for the people who were there that one day they discovered the polio vaccine, being part of history is rarely a good idea. History is one war after another with a bunch of murders and natural disasters in between.” — Sarah Vowell, book Assassination Vacation Source: Assassination Vacation (2005), p. 208
Well then. Merry Everything to you, loyal reader. The above quote was the first passage I read from author Sarah Vowell. I laughed out loud and realized that this woman is right up my reading wheelhouse. Is that even a thing?
My sister Sheila purchased Assassination Vacation for me in soft cover (people still actually read real books, not just blogs). Once I saw that quote on the back, I knew that I had to dive in. Though written almost 20 years ago, her view of history of our country is exceedingly witty, timely and hilarious. Did I mention that it’s also SPOT ON?? Here is another great quote that I read about a month after visiting Ford’s Theater in Washington D.C.:
“Going to Ford’s Theatre to watch the play is like going to Hooters for the food.” — Sarah Vowell, book Assassination Vacation Source: Assassination Vacation (2005), p. 21
The best part of that quote is that the author actually went to Ford’s to watch a production of 1776 and thought that she would simply stare at Lincoln’s Presidential Box the whole time, but was so taken by the performance, she got sucked in to the show. When I read the book I agreed that when I learned that there are actual live shows in the theater (posters advertising A Christmas Carol, the Dickens classic, were hanging up when I visited) I couldn’t imagine actually sitting there taking in a show, but people do. Many people. I was told that Ford’s Theater is often sold out. I asked the National Parks Service Ranger on duty if it was sold out the night Lincoln was there…
“Oh yes. There were 1,700 people in here. It was packed, and back then there were no fire codes or laws, so it was very warm and stuffy during the performance.”
When visiting American history that I can touch, smell, and see, I often like to ask questions. I love to get inside knowledge that I can share at dinner parties yet to come. In this way, I am a lot like the author Sarah Vowell (read the book and you will see…). After learning that the theater was hot, stuffy and packed, the night Lincoln met his demise, I decided to press the nice young National Park Employee. Don’t I pay his salary? Money well spent as long as we accurately represent the past here….so I inquired:
“With all of those people in here. What happened immediately after Booth fired his Deringer, altering history?”
The Ranger replied “Everyone was shocked. No one went anywhere as the entire crowd did not know what had happened for several moments. Within 7-8 minutes, guards on horseback entered the theater, and with swords drawn, told everyone to clear out. Almost the entire crowd assembled in the street, and as word spread that the President had been shot, the crowd swelled to thousands and became an angry mob.”
The street is not that wide, and as I went out into it on a sunny October day, I tried to imagine all of these people holding vigil while Lincoln’s still breathing body was carried to a random house across the street. The Ranger told me that the crowd would have likely burned the theater and the entire block immediately if Lincoln had been killed outright. That he clung to life through the night likely saved more death and destruction of property. Eat your heart out Sarah Vowell. Her Assassination Vacation book goes further though, as she researches Lincoln’s murder, but also Kennedy, Garfield and McKinley, their assassins AND throws in a bunch of her own anecdotes to be retold by anyone who reads this book at future dinner parties.
The day I visited Ford’s, I learned a ton of stuff that has shaped our country and people, but, like Ms. Vowell, I also took in a bit of the absurd. The first floor of the Peterson house (where Lincoln died in a second story bedroom) is now a gift shop. For $9.99 you can buy a black stove pipe hat. Interestingly, the website calls it a bookstore, and while there are books there, people can cash in on hats, Lincoln beards, mugs, keychains and other junk. I watched a group of middle school kids, obviously on a field trip, wearing Lincoln gear and clowning around. On an April night in 1865, Lincoln lay dying just above their heads while his wife screamed, cried, and was having multiple breakdowns wondering if her husband would live. Maybe somewhere online there is a 10% off coupon for the Lincoln stovepipe hat.
What the hell are we teaching here? Read Assassination Vacation if you found this line of blog interesting. Thus always to tyrants….
Stay awesome, stay safe, and stay alert to some truth.
Patrick moeschen 