SOCIAL

Remember a time before we all had a smartphone? It’s like trying to remember a time before you had kids. Once here, it seems like it was “always like this.” Not really. Actually, not even close. Lately, I have been doing some thinking and research into this technology and I also watched the Netflix documentary called “The Social Dilemma” (recommend). For a long time, I have been observing behavior in public spaces and watching how people interact in the era of the smartphone. I hate it.

I’ve been using a power wheelchair since 2010, and one of the things I love about it is the independence it brought back to my life. No one had to push me, navigate streets, hallways, or crowds. I could again decide where I wanted to go, the route to take, and how fast. The third one shifted my navigating skills into high gear. It’s simple to walk down the street in my neighborhood, but navigating the streets of Boston or a RedSox game at Fenway Park (built in 1912, and looks like it, although wheelchair access has improved) is a whole different story. Here’s what I have learned: Many people nearly crash into me because they are constantly looking down at their phones while walking. It’s awful on city streets, pretty bad in the mall, terrible in the summer at the beach and WORST OF ALL at airports. I have had collisions at airports without the other person even grunting or saying “sorry, excuse me.” Hey pal, it’s not my fault that I’m in my Rolls-Royce while you need to check social media, your email, texts or some notification. PAY ATTENTION.

I smile at almost everyone. I wink, say hello, and just try to connect to every human I see out in public because I think we are losing this completely. Take a close look the next time that you are out somewhere. Look into other people’s cars at red lights. Who is looking down at the phone? Who is ON the phone while paying for groceries? (That one really gets me) and who is checking their phone while doing something else or ignoring their surroundings? Your answer: A high percentage. Are you reading this on your phone right now? Where are you? If you’re not alone, talk with someone or even read them this haha. I’ve seen people in restaurants all at a table with their phones and no one talking. Adults….not kids. Significant because we adults should be able to remember a time when this stuff wasn’t completely woven into our social fabric.

A few days ago I drove my 82-year old mother to her wellness check up. Helen is in good health and still has most of her marbles, but my sister and I help her with driving and errands. While she was in with her doctor, I sat for 45 minutes in the big, bright comfortable waiting area challenging myself not to look at my phone, or if I did, not to access social media. I did it (although I use Kindle on my phone and did read for about 15 minutes), but it was more difficult than I thought. While I was sitting there, as if on cue, I got a blast of reality with respect to adults modeling smartphone behavior… and habits.

Sitting roughly 10 feet away I notice a mom and her daughter. The daughter, who looked to be about 5, was climbing on a chair and trying to convince mom that she didn’t need to get shots before going to school. It was cute and I watched them interact. A few minutes later mom looked at the phone and daughter stopped talking for a minute. When mom didn’t put the phone down, daughter said “Mom, I’m picturing you here (pointing to a chair) and dad here (pointing to another chair) with his phone too. Baby Jacob is over here (points to an end table) in his carrier and I am watching everyone!” The little girl was picturing the family unit, but mom and dad WERE PLAYING WITH THEIR PHONES. I was stunned. What are we modeling for the kids? How many times have I asked my boys to “grab me my phone for a minute?” Or checking it while watching them play? Right then and there I told myself….no more of that.

Last year in school I used to collect all phones at the beginning of each class in a big blue bucket. I would always tell the kids to silence them before putting them in the bucket so I didn’t hear any buzzing while teaching. One day, with 6th grade (26 kids, 20 phones….some of them DO leave them in their lockers or *GASP* don’t have one), I told them to set to vibrate before placing the phones in the bucket.

“Let’s see how many notifications and texts you guys get in 5 minutes before we start class.” I called out. I told the class that I simply was curious as to how they interact with these devices at the age of 11. We lost count after 3 minutes because too many phones were going off at once. We heard more than 150 buzzes in 3 minutes. The kids thought it was hilarious. I didn’t and I tried to explain to them that this may be the first time in human history where HUMANS have become the product and the phone beckons us to DEVOTE as much of our attention as possible to it. The three little dots that appear when someone is typing are not simply a nice gesture; they were engineered to release a little dopamine causing you pleasure at the fact that someone is typing a message TO YOU! (yay). It also keeps you engaged with the device. Another trick: click HERE to see who tagged you! Why not just show you the photo? Because it keeps you clicking, on longer, and more likely to get distracted. It’s not just about the ads. It’s about the AI (artificial intelligence) learning your habits and then showing you more stuff that is of interest to you. It’s a perpetual cycle down to swiping, clicking, refreshing and tapping that works frightfully the same as a slot machine. The average human sitting at a slot machine for an hour will press the button (or pull the lever) an average of 600 times. Do you think it’s much different on your phone? Some studies show that adults check the phone an average of 150 times a day and God knows how many clicks and swipes that amounts to. Once upon a time it used to hang on the wall, or sit on a table. We used to call a PLACE….now we call a PERSON. While we are at it, why do the kids call them phones? Besides when beckoned to call their parents, they don’t talk on the things at all….but they can tell you why they throw pencils into the hallway ceilings at school: It was a TIKTOK challenge. Don’t even get me started. My students don’t call me cool anymore….instead they tell me “I’m trending.” When a teacher is absent, they have “despawned,” and when everyone knows some classic rock tune from the 1970’s it’s usually because it has been used as a “dank meme” somewhere.

I’m not saying that the world is ending or that cell phones are taking us to hell in a hand basket. The genie is out of the bottle and all social media and smartphone stuff is here to stay. What I am saying is that we should find a balance between NEEDING to check that text and realizing that it will still be there after you are done taking that walk. I am saying that we should be cognizant of how and when we model this behavior in front of the next generation. They are watching and are developing a picture of how important smartphones are in the lives of the grownups. That picture might not be the one we want them to see. Try an experiment….turn it off for awhile. Remember how it used to be.

Stay safe, stay awesome, and stay tuned (offline).