Well… I recently told a story to a friend about one of the greatest pranks that was ever played on me and it got me thinking that maybe you would like to hear it. So today, we again swing open the door to the vault that is my memory.
I will change the names of the people in this story to protect the innocent. It involves two police officers. We will call them Jeff and Bob. They are outstanding humans, and really know how to make a guy like me sweat. Don’t worry, they didn’t tase me or anything like that. This entire incident was simply words. You will learn, that words alone can have an altering effect on the brain, especially coming from a man in a blue suit wearing a badge and carrying a weapon.
The majority of schools across America employ a “resource officer”, who is in attendance each day to keep everyone safe (a sign of the times) but also to get to know the kids and families that make up the school community. I loved networking with the SRO (school resource officer) and would invite him or her into my classroom for bonding time with the kids, and to share stories about music, attending concerts and just to show my students that police officers are a friend. We also, at times, showed the kids how to dust for fingerprints and learn about what these guys do on the job each day to keep us all safe.
One year, we got a new officer who had been patrolling the streets for years and was looking for a change. I was briefly introduced to him by the SRO who was leaving (Bob) and was told that the new guy (Jeff) would be great. At the beginning of any school year, there are a ton of meetings, classrooms to set up, forms to be filled out and schedules to be learned. In short, the last summer days before the kids come and “we go live” are a time of organized chaos inside any school. I greeted the new officer and told him that I would surely see him around. I had no time to make small talk.
Flash forward to the 2nd or 3rd day of school in the cafeteria. I am on lunch duty with 200+ 8th graders who are, at best, loud, and, at worst, trying to see if the pickle slices stick to the walls by being thrown from their table seats at least 15 feet away. At the beginning of the school year, lunchtime is usually calm as all the kids chat noisily about their respective summers, what teachers they have now, and how everything generally sucks when you’re 13. It’s a great atmosphere and between sweaty adolescents and the smell of school food, lunch duty is an experience that all adults should have at least once in their lives.
So, the kids eat (rapidly) and then we (the duty teachers) send them outside (One table at a time! Clean up your trash! Whose milk carton is that? Pick up that orange! Don’t put the spork in your nose….) so they can get about 10 minutes of air.
As the kids head outside, some of them linger and try to either hang out at the tables (which need to be cleaned before the next wave of kids come to lunch) or sneak out alternate doors to “visit” old teachers and/or roam the building. I functioned as the eagle eye to stop the kids from doing this, and, instead, would tell them: “Nice try, now go outside. Too bad, so sad.”
Well, on this 2nd or 3rd day, the new SRO Jeff walks in through the recess door and asks me to have a word with him.
Jeff: “It’s Pat, right? Is it Pat?”
Me: “Yeah. What can I do for you man? Is everything ok?”
Jeff: “I think so. I just had a little incident at recess and I wanted to talk with you about it. Obviously, I’m new here, and so I don’t really know how things work yet.”
Me: “Sure. Is everything ok out there? What happened?”
Jeff: “Well, I don’t really know the kids that well yet, so I don’t know who the troublemakers are, but two 8th graders out there were getting into it a little bit out there, so I broke them up, but I might have been a little rough. I don’t know.”
Me: (getting nervous) “What do you mean by ‘a little rough’?”
Jeff: “Well, it wasn’t a big deal. One kid is at the nurse right now.”
Me: (more nervous and wondering if there will be paperwork and administration needing to be looped in) “Wait, tell me exactly what happened.”
Jeff: “So these two kids were kind of wrestling around and I didn’t want anyone to get hurt. I took one kid and put him against the brick wall out there and I had his arm behind his back and he started to cry and said I hurt him. I pushed his arm up a little more and told him that we behave around here and we don’t get into trouble. I heard a little pop, but I don’t think it was too bad. He walked to the nurse under his own power and the other kid ran off. Is that too much? Is that kind of force frowned upon around here? I figured I would talk with you since the kids all seem to like you. How did the last guy (Bob) handle behavior?”
Me: (almost in a panic) “Jeff, none of what you just said is ok. We don’t touch the kids, let alone use force to put them into a wall. This is a big problem and we need to go to the office right now and then check on this kid. This is not good.”
Jeff: “Ok, I understand. There’s just one more thing.”
Me: “Oh God, one more thing? WHAT??”
Jeff: “I’m making this all up and Bob told me that I should find you in the first couple of days and screw with you. How ya doing man?” (extending his hand)
Me: “Oh shit! I hate you both. Dude, you had my stomach in knots and my head in a spin. Bob put you up to this? Wait until next time I see him doing traffic duty somewhere in town. I’ll fix his ass…..and….you! Well played, you dick. I like you already.”
END SCENE
Jeff (not his real name) stayed as the SRO for 7 years and we formed a wonderful friendship. Every now and then he would find me in a noisy gym or some loud area in the school and whisper “So, is behavior like that frowned upon around here? How do we handle discipline?” I would laugh, because, funny, not funny. Boy did I get pranked.
I am retired, Jeff is retired. We both still work elsewhere and talk about meeting up for a ginger ale one of these days. When I see him, I will jam him up and regale him with stories from our time together in the old days.
Stay safe, stay awesome, and stay tuned. Remember, Bob and Jeff are not their real names. Their real names are Moe and Larry. I love the cats in blue.
Patrick moeschen 