No, that title is not a Youtube request. It’s not actually a request for anything. It’s a comment and a following commentary on how we all live in today’s society where we all complain about our “first world” problems. I cannot possibly be the only one who has noticed that our lives revolve around subscriptions and charging everything. I ain’t talking about your credit card my friends. I’m talking about plugging something into the wall. Let me explain. You read, I’ll explain. Don’t think too much, it will just hurt more.
Well let’s start with the old days. In my world, that was the 1980’s. As a kid, you turn on the radio, and music came out. You turned on the TV and local channels came on. You wanted to read something, you went to the library. The only things that I remember being able to subscribe to were magazines and Columbia House (Holy Grail of music), where you actually taped a penny to a form, mailed it in, and received 12 cassettes (Google it) for a penny. Then…since it was a “subscription”, you had to purchase 7 or 8 cassettes over the course of 2 years or something before you could “cancel anytime.” The catch was that the regular prices with shipping were quite a bit higher than the record store….but the music arrived in a cool cardboard box right at your door! (Hear that Bezos? You bastard why didn’t I think of this??) Later, Columbia House had a VHS subscription monthly plan and even CD’s…yippee!!
I think the first 80’s nemesis to creep into my world was THE CABLE TV subscription. For the low cost of whatever, you got a remote control, a box that sat on top of your television AND a bunch of channels that you never knew that you needed (USA network and The Weather Channel anyone?)…..and what the hell was the point of The Central News Network run by that wackadoo Ted Turner and his cronies in Atlanta. CNN? Please, no one wants or needs to watch news all day. That will never work…..but I was infatuated with MTV (See? That music theme in my life took root early!) and I enjoyed watching ESPN late at night when they should billiards and people cutting up logs in some lumberjack competition. Is this a sport? It must be, because I subscribe to it on ESPN. Good times. HBO? Home Box Office?? Movies that are on 8 times a day? Cool. It’s like the Christmas Story marathon that runs for 24 hours straight now each year on TNT (Turner Network Television….yup, there he is again. He’s like freakin’ Walt Disney only not as cool) Of course to watch said Christmas Story marathon, you need a subscription to Comcast, or whatever service OWNS your city.
Hey! You can “BUNDLE” now!! Comcast has TV, high speed internet (wait, we all have to subscribe to that racket? My computer didn’t cost enough in the first place?)
Dear everyone,
Once upon a time, the library was free, but now you can SURF from your own home and find anything you want AS WELL as A LOT of opinions on subjects ranging from how to slice a carrot, to the mating habits of the ADHD fruit bat. Go nuts, and pay monthly forever. BUT….WAIT….THERE’S MORE. Comcast gives you TV, internet access (at high speed whatever they want us to think that means) AND your phone…landline OR cell. You can even have Comcast Home where we watch over you 24/7 just like the Chinese government. It will only cost you hundreds of dollars a month FOREVER. Great deal….you can’t pass it up.
We also subscribe to MORE tv in a concept that makes our mouths water: STREAMING. Oh baby, the word gets me excited. I can STREAM stuff. We have come to expect EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW. We can stream Netflix (subscription), Disney+ (subscription and THANK GOD for the plus, I don’t want Disney….I want Disney PLUS), Hulu (subscription…but you can bundle with Disney+), and a host of others: Peacock, Paramount, FUBO, Youtube+, blah, blah, blah.
Want music? We got you with AppleMusic, Spotify or Sirius/XM radio. Want no commercials? Subscribe and pay a little extra. It’s so easy to manage, you just sign up for 20 of these, set to autopay and forget it all forever. Ka-ching. Ka-ching. (that’s the cash register sound, not the sound Gerry makes when splitting boards).
Sincerely,
Marketing people who own us all and know it. Jesus, we buy the same product over and over again like sheep (it’s called the cell phone…quick….everyone get a new phone because…..because….sheep sheep)
Subscribe and save. Save what? If I don’t subscribe, I spent 0. What’s more saving than that? Now I’m getting ramped up for the end. I was going to wax poetic about all the shit that we have to plug in on a daily basis, but that’s gonna have to be next week because while writing this I have had an EPIPHANY! Amazon Prime. The most brilliant and evil of ALL the subscriptions. Why? Here’s why….
You are smart, so you have already figured it out. You are a highly functioning human or you wouldn’t be reading this blog. Never mind “free shipping” or “stuff at your door tomorrow”…that’s all smoke and mirrors, like a NH halftime band football show. (who does your uniforms?) The real genius with Bezos lies in one simple fact: That SOB has figured out a way to get all of us (sheep, sheep) to PAY a yearly subscription fee for the privilege of buying shit that is for sale everywhere. Would you pay an extra charge to walk through the door at Walmart? Unlikely. Would you be willing to pay extra to look for the outdoor fire pit that you are going to buy? (One website just told me that the outdoor fire pit was the top selling product on Amazon for July….but other sites say different. and I am not going down that wormhole….)
It’s absurd that we all pay $100 or more a year for the RIGHT to look at stuff. Oh sure, they throw in STREAMING, music, and other little perks, but those are all ornaments on the tree.
I just learned that there are more Amazon Prime subscriptions in America than there are households in America. The internet that I subscribe to each month for the rest of my life tells me that there are over 200 million Prime subscribers in 25 countries…..all of us at least $100 a year. Do the math. Subscribe and save? Save what? Bezos rocket company? You are done reading….on the device in front of you….that you subscribed with.
Stay dizzy, stay safe, and stay tuned for next week as I share my point of view on charging our lives everyday.
Patrick moeschen 