CHUCK

Today I would like to share a story that could only have happened on an adventure like this…

In August of 2012, I journeyed to Alaska for a guided tour of the final frontier. The locals up there refer to all of us down here as “you people in the lower 48.” It is a beautiful place, full of clean air, abundant wildlife, breath taking landscapes, mountains, nature preserves (Denali National Park is the size of Massachusetts. Yeah, you read that right), and a man named Chuck. To me, Chuck IS Alaska.

I must begin with a short backstory: I have an Uncle Bob (don’t we all?) who has lived most of his life in the coastal fishing village of Seward, in the southwestern part of the state. I have only met him 3-4 times in my life. He is a younger sibling of my mother, and since mom turned 71 in 2012, my sister and I thought it would be cool to plan a trip to have her visit him. This turned into an Alaskan tour by bus, train, and then a cruise ship. As in, we did all of that. It was an amazing two weeks and the first and only time I have been on a cruise ship. Who knew that you could have spiked hot chocolate, while sitting on the deck in cloudy, misty 50 degree weather while watching whales off the port side of the ship? There was also a swimming pool, but it was empty….but I digress.

Mom, my sister (Sheila), Vanessa (girlfriend at the time….not wife….she should have seen all kinds of red flags on this trip) and I, flew into the northern Alaskan Mecca of Fairbanks in late July. The city is only 200 miles south of the Arctic Circle and to our surprise, it was 70 degrees, sunny, and windy the day after we arrived. We had this day to kill, as the official bus/train/adventure tour didn’t start until the next day. Speaking of which, at that latitude in July, the sun rises at 4AM and sets around 1:30AM….it’s wild and I wondered why I was exhausted sitting at an outdoor patio bar (me? shocking!) having a drink with Vanessa with the sun high in the sky….until I realized it was 11PM!! Damn, I digress again. I do that.

SO, we asked the hotel where the fun was in Fairbanks and it turns out that the University of Alaska has an unbelievable botanical garden and research facility where they do all kinds of cool stuff. Cool stuff such as grow giant cabbages (if you’re into that sort of thing), as well as experiment with all kinds of flowers and plants in the harsh climate. OK, off to the campus to wander around and to check out the music department. We took a cab to a local lunch spot (delicious seafood up there) and then cabbed it over to the campus. This is where we viewed said giant cabbages. I made a joke to the woman who was currently tending the cabbage about Russia being so close (it’s not….but Sarah Palin was big at the time and you may remember that she claimed she could see Russia from her house), and possible nuclear radiation coming from Siberia must be how the cabbage reach this giant size. Surprisingly, she didn’t find me at all funny (my wife doesn’t either….but I KNOW I’m funny), and this academic botanist explained to me that this vegetable beast grows like this due to 20 hours of sunlight per day. I’m not too bright (see what I did there?) and so I held my question about how this monstrous cabbage may taste and what kinds of debilitating acts it may have on the lower intestines and the colon. I have always understood that discretion is the best form of valor, so I held my tongue.

Our tour of U. Alaska Fairbanks ended in the late afternoon, and, it being summer break, there was no way for me to purchase any swag (bummer), we called a cab again. This is where CHUCK enters the film. Chuck is the opposite of every cab driver I have ever met. THIS GUY was a local.

I sat in the front with Chuck, while my mother, sister and Vanessa squeezed in to the back of his white taxi. He wanted to know all about New Hampshire (he had never been to the east coast), how close to New York we were (shame when those towers fell) and if we frequently travelled to Fairbanks (no). Before going back to the hotel, he told us we made a great choice to see the University, but there was so much more to this fine town AND that we were in luck. Chuck was just ending his shift, and he wanted to show us something really great, at no extra charge. It would only take a few minutes, as long as us folks didn’t have a dinner engagement, but in the case that we did, Chuck would gladly drop us off at the restaurant as well. No extra charge.

A brief plot synopsis of one disabled man and 3 woman being bludgeoned to death on the outskirts of Fairbanks flashed through my mind, but the regular Patrick brain said “oh what the hell…we are likely not coming back.” OK Chuck my friend. What have you got?

“Well,” Chuck began, speaking slowly and clearly. “I have been driving since I retired and this brings in a little extra for the wife and I, so I don’t mind using the cab off company time. They will need it back, but I have some time to show you a few local sights. No extra charge now.”

I placed Chuck in his early to mid 70’s, with a gentle manner, his flannel shirt, and thinning white hair. He told us that he was a native and had lived in Fairbanks as far back as he could remember. He drove out to a quiet gravel road and turned off near a meadow protected by a wooden fence next to a gate. On the other side, we saw a bunch of Muskox. These giant guys live in the arctic and smell like a bad date you had once. This was a farm, Chuck explained: “See, watch, you can go right up to the fence and pet them.” He got out of the cab and encouraged us to join him. I didn’t, but Sheila and Vanessa did.

“Now, I have something else. No extra charge. Have you ever had Reindeer sausage? It’s very tasty and there is a local store just up the road that sells it. They wrap it in paper and you eat it like a snack. It’s not far, and I’m in the mood for one anyway, so I want to take you there to try some. No extra charge.”

“Chuck,” I began, “Are you sure? We don’t want to get you in trouble here.”

“Don’t worry about that.” Chuck chuckled. Chuck chortled? BOTH are funny….you pick.

Just around that time, dispatch called Chuck on his CB radio (I’m not kidding) asking him where he was and what he was doing with the cab. He answered that he had 4 lovely guests from far away in the lower 48 and he was showing us the town. Then he reached over and shut off the CB with a laugh. My mind went back to being bludgeoned, cooked, and served as Reindeer sausage. No extra charge…

We pulled into a gravel parking lot next to a worn, wooden slatted, faded red structure which was a type of fish market/barn/convenience store. Vanessa was the brave one that went in with Chuck to purchase some Reindeer sausage. Inside, she said, all the workers knew him and they made small talk about the fisheries, sausage, and other Fairbanks things. When I saw her emerge from the store with a few long sausages (hold it….stop what you’re thinking…no cheap jokes on my blog), I was relieved that she wasn’t bludgeoned, but was, in fact, laughing like crazy. As I took a bite she murmured something about this being the first day of the trip, and what the hell was actually happening here??!?? The sausage was salty, but very good. Alaskans eat it cold (it’s cooked) wrapped in paper so it looks like a demented corn dog/banana/somethin/somethin/. My brother in law would call it a meat stick. It WAS a meat stick. No extra charge.

As we drove away, I began to thank Chuck for the local tour and told him that I would not forget his hospitality. My sister, mother, and Vanessa were pissing themselves in the backseat with laughter and tears as they had meat stick fights. Now there’s a sentence that has likely never been written. I can’t understand why people think we need family therapy……anyway, as I was thanking Chuck, he replied that it was “his pleasure, and there’s always a reason to stop for sausage, and that he had ONE more thing we had to see. No extra charge now. It’s only an hour after I picked you guys up and there are no more cab runs today.” (Yeah Chuck, because you STOLE THE CAB AND TURNED OFF YOUR RADIO! Where are the state troopers? Tasing the bears I supposed…)

Chuck explained that Fairbanks has the 4th largest Walmart in the United States, and it was something to see. I know that you are laughing over there, loyal reader, but I can’t make this shit up, so off to the 4th largest Walmart we drove in Chuck’s old white taxi at no extra charge, while eating Reindeer sausage on a sunny, breezy summer evening in Fairbanks….

To be honest, Walmart was not the focus, but here’s what was and it represents tourist insight into how Alaskans live: Next to the store, there is a manmade lake, long, shimmering and blue. Next to the lake, there is a campground, which Chuck drove into. We saw fire pits, picnic tables, bathroom facilities, and hook-ups for trailers but the plots were huge. Way too big for a tent or a normal RV. I didn’t get it. I had never seen a campground like it. I asked Chuck why there was a lake, and a campground with huge plots right next to the Walmart parking lot (which was surprisingly packed with pick-up trucks and other Alaska looking vehicles…no small cars) and he told me to wait a minute while he turned. There, tied down in one of the plots, next to a truck, was a small plane. The plane had pontoons and I realized that it had landed on the lake, then taxied to the campground.

“You see,” said Chuck, “Alaska only has roads in 30% of the state. Most folks up here own planes. Once a month or so, they fly to Walmart, tie up the plane, use their car (which they leave at Walmart (extra charge? likely)), shop, camp out, get food and supplies for the month, and then fly home. That’s how we do things in Alaska.”

I was blown away. This was a cool day after all with Chuck at the helm. We didn’t go into Walmart or even get out of the cab there. He genuinely wanted us to experience Fairbanks through the eyes of a local. He told us where the good food spots were and reminded us that if we ever came back, we should request him to take us around. He had more to show us, but decided he should really be getting the taxi back. We made more small talk on the way back to the hotel (a good one, nice hotel Chuck said) and we said good-bye. Chuck, and the trip sometimes still comes up in conversation. God Bless him, I hope he is still with us and living happily in Fairbanks. Thanks for the adventure Chuck. No extra charge.

Stay safe, stay awesome, and stay tuned. Have an adventure….and try Rudolph. He’s tasty.