CHEERLEADERS

It’s great to have friends that also count as people in your corner. At times, it is also refreshing to learn that complete strangers will help you out as well. This realization helps to restore my faith in the human race. Let’s call these people “cheerleaders.” Cheerleaders is a quality name for this group of people. They cheer us on in life and from the sidelines as well as the main stage. They provide tips for us about the dance of life. Please allow me to share a recent story about how Cheerleaders helped me. They fell right into my lap, blue and azure as the Caribbean Sea.

Earlier this week, my pal Jim and I took the Acela Amtrak to Philadelphia for a few days of good food (both of us), gambling (both), some doctor’s appointments (me) and a trip to the sportsbar. (both). We had dinner with a dear female friend, who we also saw by surprise just before we left! What a city of brotherly love. Eagles fly there, until destroyed by patriots from the north east named Brady.

On the eve of our departure, Jim and I discovered that many Ubers in the city will transport disabled individuals using power wheelchairs as long as the option “WAV” appears in the ride. (Wheelchair-accessible-vehicle). We found one in under 5 minutes, with a lift and with our luck, we chose to go to a casino to play roulette and a little blackjack! Go Philly, you broad street bombers really can fly!

Jim and I stayed at the casino for a few hours and before we knew it, we had won $800! Amazing city. Thank you Dr. J and Josh! Great memories. Let’s not forget to give a Wawa shoutout to our pal Tony Lukes! Where do we go with bulging pants that contain $800? Jazz? Blues? High end meat house meal? Strip steak? No. We go to the sports bar on the south side with another accessible Uber! The casino had free booze! Like Laverne and Shirley used to sing as they danced down the street like rewatching the Gilmore Girls: Schuylkill river! Can you say it? You can see Camden!

Well, Ubering to the sports bar, with Jim my biggest cheerleader on this night, we arrive at said sports bar to find the sites were dismal, and the highlights on TV were a 6 out of 10 at best. No good game highlights on a Tuesday night. You need to be in a fine gentlemen’s club to remain engaged at the sports bar on a Tuesday night. Since we came all the way down here, might as well watch some of the games, while drinking $10 vodka cranberries, with only ice and vodka. The lights in there were red and the drink looked just like cranberry juice. I had 3. 11.

Next thing you know, my chair battery is low, and it’s 2 A.M! The bouncer yells: O.K. fans, you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here! Closin’ time! Wooooo! Jim and I roll out and dial up the Uber from our futuristic handheld social media devices! Just choose WAV option you handicapped drunk ass 2 A.M. cheesesteak grease on your face you gimp bastard! WHEELCHAIR ACCESSIBLE VEHICLE. You’re no longer a marginalized population. You can go where the others go, even though you don’t look like they do. But he said hey, old man, how can you stand to think that way? Did you really think about it before you made the rules? He said, son, you ain’t gettin’ no wheelchair Uber at 2 in the morning with the party still thumping. You gonna need to roll back to your hotel with a low battery sippin’ on Gin and Juice, with your mind on your casino winnings and your money on your mind. Shit. We had no way to get back to the hotel. Outside with a bouncer, several drunk dudes. Huge loss. Shit. Without anyone in our corner. No cheerleaders. Bogus. Well, one pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small. I’m larger, so let’s solve this. I solve problems while living every waking hour with a chronic muscle disease, so don’t think you can come down to Philly, stand here in the heat, flash a badge, and make me…..nervous. I can solve million dollar problems before breakfast. Before figuring out how, and who is going to get me breakfast and sometimes feed me. Stranded with no ride? Please don’t make me laugh. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. It was pretty good though. WE had a plan. We had cheerleaders.

Jim called the hotel and learned that they had 2 manual wheelchairs, and sure we could borrow one they said. Just Uber home they said. Free ice cream at the hotel they said. The hotel had TWO! Shout out to the Sheraton near CHOP. We would be back chop chop. Yes. Regular Uber (for you abled people….you’re all weird!). Lock my power chair in the manager’s office at the sports club. (Yeah, they had a bouncing referee in there too….weird vibe in the place. Weird vibrators. Vibrations). WE could pick up the chair tomorrow at noon, when the club would reopen on Wednesday and there would actually be people in there, in case anyone or everyone asked. WE sped home the 20 minutes to the hotel, to find that the manual folding wheelchair owned by the hotel was so rusty that it wouldn’t unfold. Shit. The Uber driver was waiting for 15 minutes while Jim got the 2nd wheelchair from security: a World War 1 FDR you ain’t even born yet steel, double wide, DRIVE WHEELCHAIR OF SERIOUS INJURY! Roll that bitch out to the curb, slip the Uber guy a $50 from the casino winnings, speed into the lobby, hit the button for the 7th floor, and call it a night.

Until the wheelchair of serious injury turns out to be too damn wide to fit in the hotel room door. You can checkout anytime you like, but you can never leave. Eagles down the patriots. Gonna fly now Rocky. Stank. Hambone. Stallone. Tango and Cash…look it up kids. Livin’ in America.

Jim gets the rolling leather desk chair and wheels that bad sally into the hallway, banking it against the wall so it doesn’t roll away, killing me as I transfer. We go into the room, he folds Mrs. Serious Injury wheelchair, tucks her in the corner, we brush the teeth, and hit the king size bed, as 2 men, since that’s the only hotel room that you can get if you want a roll in shower, you marginalized crippled person. It’s 2023, but actually it’s 1968 Dr. King. Do you have a dream? Yup. Several until 9 AM the next morning, sleeping and snoring it off next to my best friend. God Bless his wife Susan; dear God that man snores like a tiger’s ass getting sandpapered in a phone booth.

We got up, called my friend Suzanne, she rolled up to the club, passed the audition, grabbed my chair, picked up Jim and I at the hotel and delivered us (with my power chair battery at 20%) at the train station with 20 minutes to spare. We said goodbye, boarded the train with 5% battery to spare (I charged on the train. GO AMTRAK), we departed the streets of Philadelphia. Will we leave each other alone like this on the streets of Philadelphia? Yes. Fine….See ya!

What a great trip. The hotel cheerleaders, the casino dealer, sports club bouncer and clientele as well as Jim….all cheerleaders. Philadelphia freedom! I was bruised and battered, I couldn’t tell what I felt. Oh brother are you gonna leave me wastin’ away On the streets of Philadelphia? Maybe, because I also tipped left and fell out of my power chair, striking my head, left shoulder, and knee while waiting outside the hotel near the streets of Philadelphia. I am fine. When is the next trip with my cheerleader angels on the pages in between?

Stay safe, stay awesome, and stay tuned. Black Jack!