Let’s have some fun today shall we? Of course we should! All of us NEED to laugh a few times during our waking hours, and so I present to you, loyal reader, things that people have said to me over the course of my life as I have ventured out in public with a manual or power wheelchair. Because I work with adolescents, I have not used any quotes from them. Kids are excusable since they are learning how to function appropriately in society. Grown ups? You have no excuse. As a wise mentor in my life used to say: “stupid should hurt.”
Just to add more fun, the quote is first, my answer is second, and what I was actually thinking is third. I should warn you that mature subject matter follows, so *spoiler alert* stop reading now if you’re easily offended. All thoughts and quotes are mine only. Remember…I can’t make this stuff up. I’m not smart enough. Uh-huh. Let’s go.
“Oh man, it’s great to see you out.”
“Thanks man, it’s good to see you out as well.” (smile)
‘Is this dude serious? What the hell does that even mean? Does he think I’m in the witness protection program?’
“I know what you’re going through…my grandmother was in a chair.”
“I appreciate your concern, but my life is fine. I just do it all sitting down brother!”
‘Just stop talking. It would solve SO many problems.’
“You’re a pretty handsome guy. Too handsome to be in that chair.”
“That’s nice of you to say, but the color of the chair brings out my eyes, so I need it right?” smile
‘Your tip for bringing this meal out to my friends and I will now be 3.5%’
“Have you ever just tried to walk?”
“Well you know how you look at a brick wall and think: I can’t scale that? It’s kind of like that.”
“Have you ever tried to breathe with your mouth closed as well as lumbering down the street without dragging your knuckles on the ground? YOU Neanderthal.’
“Dude, what are you drinking? Were you in the war?”
“Rum and Coke bro, and no I have not served. Those guys and gals are the heroes.”
‘If you’re buying me the next drink, I’ll take it, and then please piss off you idiot.’
“What happened to you brother?”
“I have Muscular Dystrophy. It’s a condition that weakens my muscles and I use the chair to help me get around. It’s all good.”
‘What happened to you? When your IQ reaches 50, you should sell. The gate is down, the light is flashing but there ain’t no train coming….brother.’
“Our restaurant is accessible. It’s only 2 steps up.”
“I’m sorry, that won’t work, I am unable to walk. What’s that? No, you can’t lift my power chair. It weighs 250 lbs. and I’m another 160. Thank you.”
‘If you don’t have a portable ramp, and are going to give me the line about how your building is old and grandfathered in before all the laws, I’m not giving you my money.’
“My, what a pretty nurse you have!”
“That’s actually my wife, and yes, she is quite pretty thanks.”
‘You wish you were me. I am also funnier than you AND I can likely tell a better story. Dolt.’
“I couldn’t live like you. God Bless. I’m going to pray for you.”
“Of course you could! We all play the cards that we’re dealt. It’s no as awful as you think. God Bless you as well.”
‘Do you even have a clue how you sound? God Bless? How about God help YOU?!? I got your prayers right over here ace.’
“Wow, you have a job? Like, full-time? Good for you!”
“Thanks, I teach kids all about music. From The Beatles to rap to Broadway. It’s tons of fun. I also work with a charity that supports individuals with my condition. I’m pretty busy. I’m married with 2 kids as well.”
‘Gee moron, sometimes I actually remember my own name too. Not full-time though. Sometimes I just call myself Dick. Or else my wife says that. I’m not sure.’
AND of course…EVERYONE that lives with muscular dystrophy (MD) has heard this one:
“Oh you have muscular dystrophy? My aunt has MS. That’s really tough man. I feel so sorry for you.”
“Actually MS is a totally different thing. It’s a nerve-muscle thing. My thing is just muscle. Don’t feel bad, here’s a website you can visit if you want to donate to the cause…”
‘Why on Earth am I even talking with you? Wait a minute. One of my purposes in life is to educate others, debunk stereotypes and show society that all of us are the same inside: working for love, acceptance, respect, and connection to others.’
Stay safe, stay awesome and stay tuned. Subscribe. Or don’t, either way I still heart you.
Moeschen! 
Hi Patrick,
I have been following these posts for a long time. I also have been in touch with your mom and sister. Your family has always been special to me. I have fond memories of both you and your sister in 4th grade at Lancaster and of course your mom helping out in the library! It sounds like you are doing well and it’s great to read these posts and see pictures of your family on FB.
Be sure to keep me updated, I’m sending you all the best!
“Miss Green” (aka Carole Grosberg)